Just had a great session with a client who’s asked me a question the other day and then inspired me just now to share a little bit about The Imposter Syndrome.
What do you do if you don’t feel good enough or there’s a part of you deep down inside that when no one’s looking, feels like a fraud?
Like, “Who am I to do this? What have I done? Am I good enough?”
And here’s one thing I know…
I’ve worked with hundreds —thousands— of coaches around the world, and every single one of them —myself included— who’s grappled with this.
And so, firstly, if you’ve felt that, you’re not alone. Everyone goes through it. So, let’s talk about what to do about it.
I want to give you three things…
I’m going to make this relatively quickly.
I’m going to show you what she said to me, and I’ll give you the three pieces of advice that I shared with her.
So, I’m going to keep her anonymous.
“Hey, I’ve got some badass folks signing up for the mastermind —new client launched this thing, it’s gone from an idea to —15 people so far and a $20,000 a year mastermind a year in the first month, which is killer.
So, really badass people signing up for the mastermind, folks that I am a fan of.
In other words, I’m here and I’m attracting some people who I’d looked up to —and I still do.
I have to admit, I’m a little bit nervous about serving them and making sure this mastermind is the bomb. I want to be the best women’s mastermind for blah blah blah.”
Here’s the kicker…
“Also, how do I deal with —how do I manage the Imposter Syndrome? I know I’m great at what I do, but I’ve had issues in the past.”
So, let’s talk about this.
I just want to share three secrets —three things that have really helped me with this stuff.
Everybody struggles with this. So, here’s what I want to do.
I want to give you three piece of advice I’ve just shared with my client that have helped me and have helped others in the hope that it helps and serves you as well.
So, what to do when you don’t feel good enough?
Here’s the first thing —and by the way, I didn’t invent —I think I invented one of these three. The other two, I heard and I’ll credit sources because that’s what good people do.
The first thing came from a client of mine called John.
He had a prospect come to him who felt like, “I’d really love to work with you, but I’m scared out of my mind.” And he said, “That’s good.”
Yes, they don’t know that you don’t know. I don’t believe in “Fake it until you make it.” I really don’t.
And so, I’m assuming that you’ve got some skills, and that you’re just a little bit shit-scared.
And that’s totally okay. Right? Not that you’ve got nothing to offer, and you’re a flim-flam man. Right? I’m sure that’s not you, but just to be super, super clear.
Balance ‘scared’ and ‘excited’
Here’s the first thing. I want you to balance scared and excited.
And so, John said, “If you are all scared, I’d know you weren’t ready. And if you’re all excited, I’d know that you weren’t realistic and taking this seriously.”
So, if you’re all scared, not ready. If you’re all excited, probably not taking this seriously.
But if you’re both scared and excited, that’s exactly how we know this is the right thing for you.
So, if you think about the people you’re serving, if you’re excited about it and scared at the same time, I just want you to give yourself a bit fat tick in the scared-and-excited box and know, “Okay. Great. This is a really good sign.”
Again if you’re all scared, not ready.
If you’re all excited, probably —frankly, not taking this seriously enough.
I think it’s good to have a little bit of reverence for wanting to do a great job for your clients. So, that’s first.
Step into their belief in you
The second thing that I found really, really helpful is just realize that these people see stuff in you that you probably don’t yet.
And if people who you’ve looked up to —or even just clients, generally— see an ability in you to get them where they want to go, then frankly, maybe it’s time you let go of your own limiting beliefs about yourself, and you instead step into what other people can see in you.
And so, the metaphor I’ve got for this is —this snake shedding its skin —that we’ve all got —like, here’s how we see ourselves.
The moment you get a significant other who sees more of you —more in you— than you see in yourself, it’s probably a good sign that if they see it in you, it’s your call to step into that and let go of the old, and begin with the new.
So, the second thing I’d say is just let go and step into their belief.
Someone said, “The only difference between being nervous and excited is how big your breathing. Scared, shallow breathing. Excited, deep breathing. The feeling is the same.”
Isn’t that interesting? I love that.
So, here’s the second thing, is just to step into their belief in you. Okay?
Let go of the fear
And here’s the third thing. The third thing is something I got from a great friend of mine, Matt Church who was using it in the context of public speaking and being nervous about what an audience would say.
But I remember reading something that Matt said once, saying, “Fix nervous with service.”
And the truth is that if you’re worried about “Am I good enough? What will they think of me? Can I really do this?”
All of those say that you’re looking squarely in the mirror at you instead of at them.
And so, you should just let go of the fear or the ‘Am I good enough?’ is to don’t even think about you and just get busy helping people.
We’ve all seen those stories of how —like, there’s a child stuck under a car and a mom just completely —to completely protect her child, just single-handedly lifts a car and the baby is escapes.
I can’t remember what it’s called, but it’s got a name.
What they do is they fix nervous with service. They just get busy helping other people.
They completely forget what’s possible or it’s not for them.
Afterwards, they’re probably like, “I don’t even know how I did that.” That’s what I want you to do with this.
People are trusting you. People are hoping that you can get them result.
Don’t even worry about you. If you’re thinking about yourself —either talking yourself up or talking yourself down, either way, you’re talking about your self issue.
Drop that. You should just be 100% focused on helping the others. Cool?
So this is just a quickie on what to do about Imposter Syndrome.
Let’s just kind of quickly summarize…
Number one, if you’re all scared, you’re not ready; if you’re all excited, probably not taking this seriously enough. And if you’re scared and excited, we’re doing it right.
Just deepen the breathing.
Number two, step into their belief in you. If they see it, it’s probably just a —I don’t know how metaphysical you want to get, but it’s probably just kind of your chance to step up and step into other people’s —what they see in you that you’ve been ignoring, or that you haven’t able to see.
And then thirdly, let’s fix nervous with service.
It’s not about you at all. Let’s just get into helping them. And in helping them.
All of their hopes for you will come true, and all of your fears about you will evaporate into a distant memory.
Listen, I hope this has helped just a little bit.
I don’t only talk about this stuff, but I think it’s a really useful conversation that needs to be had.
And if you’ve had Imposter Syndrome or are having it right now, may these three things kind of set you a little bit free.
So, get busy just getting on with the difference you’re put on the planet to make. Cool?
Big love from me, take good care. I’ll talk to you soon.
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